


Chances

by parsley_and_pears



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Requited Love, Star-crossed, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-18 08:38:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10613241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parsley_and_pears/pseuds/parsley_and_pears
Summary: “Sakura.”She paused, looking at Kakashi.  Her look was dark, brooding.  It wasn’t Sakura.  Something inside her had snapped.“I truly believe he’s changed.  Just give him another chance.”The look she gave him was so cold that it nearly made him shudder.  It was a glare he was not aware she was capable of giving.“I’m all out of chances to give.”  It was a statement filled with anger, pain, sorrow, a mess of emotions, none of which were a good mix.  The door slammed shut behind her, leaving Kakashi in his silent office.





	1. Like Old Times

Sasuke knew he shouldn’t be surprised that he was under constant supervision. He deserved it, especially after all he’d done. It was an annoyance most of the time, but in instances like now, it was nearly unbearable. What he wouldn’t have given to be away from the village and traveling on his own again.

There were more people than usual right now. Almost all of the Konoha eleven, now Konoha ten — that had been an unpleasant surprise — had shown up, on top of the ANBU that normally followed him around. They all watched him suspiciously from different corners of the restaurant. Maybe they thought he hadn’t noticed them, but they never were the most subtle, even for ninja.

Sasuke slipped into the booth seat, following Naruto, who, as always, was chattering incessantly. Across from him, Sakura already had her nose buried in a menu. Their relationship, always strained, was now worse than ever. He’d thought that maybe after the war, after proving to her that he was no longer a danger to the village, that they could continue where they’d left off. Not that they’d left off much, if he was honest. Knocked out on a cold bench wasn’t really a date.

It was Naruto who’d insisted they meet for dinner, happy as ever. If there was any person in the world who knew how to forgive, it was Naruto. Secretly, Sasuke was grateful for it. It was hard to pretend that the cold stares that tended to follow him around didn’t bother him. It was part of why he appreciated the mission Kakashi had given him. It kept him away and solitary, exactly how he liked to be.

But every once in a while, he had to return. Sometimes it was to save the village he’d once worked so hard to destroy; other times, like now, it was to replenish his dwindling stash of money. Sasuke was no stranger to sleeping outside and foraging for food, but he preferred to sleep in an inn and eating at restaurants or food stalls. He wasn’t savage.

He stared across the table at Sakura, her face hidden behind her menu, hoping that he didn’t look like he was glaring. He just wanted her to look him in the eye again. She flipped her menu closed and set it aside, her eyes wandering across the table, deliberately away from him. Sasuke sighed and picked up his own menu. He should have expected it. Ally or not, he had tried to kill her once. It was a memory that haunted him, just one of his many regrets. On his list of unforgivable acts, he placed it somewhere near the top. It seemed she did too.

She was smiling pleasantly, apparently at ease. And maybe she was. Sasuke realized with a jolt that he couldn’t read her anymore like he used to. Has it really been that long? he wondered. Beside him, Naruto slammed his own menu down.

“Do you know what you’re getting, Sakura?” he asked cheerily. Sakura’s eyes drifted right over Sasuke to the blond beside him. She nodded, still smiling. It was a stiff nod, and a stiff smile and finally, Sasuke could tell that his presence made her immensely uncomfortable. Naruto leaned back against the booth, unaware of the tension between her and Sasuke. He sighed contentedly.

“Just like old times,” he muttered, staring wistfully at the ceiling. He reached over and gave Sasuke a hard thump on the back. “It’s good to have you around again, man,” he said. Sasuke shrugged. He didn’t know how to respond to that. Was he happy to be back in the village? Maybe at one point, earlier on, before the familiar faces started marking his trail, before he wasn’t allowed to be alone in a room with someone else. Maybe before Sakura had withdrawn, maybe then he’d been pleased to return.

“Yeah,” he replied. His eyes roamed the wood grain of the table, his mind lost in thought. He felt fingers picking at his ratty old traveling cloak. He glanced over to see Naruto tugging on his sleeve, the corners of his mouth upturned in a smirk.

“You’re looking really scruffy,” he laughed. Sasuke forced himself to fake a small smile.

“Your hair is getting long, Sasuke,” Sakura’s voice piped up from the other side of the table. She spoke softly, a small tremor in her voice. Sasuke’s gaze shot to her. She was staring past him, her bright eyes trained on the back of Kiba’s head behind him. He stared at her, waiting with bated breath for her to meet his gaze, to say his name again. The longer she avoided his eyes, the longer she stayed silent, the more his chest ached. Beside him, Naruto snickered. The sound jerked him back to the reality. He looked back down at the menu in front of him.

“Like I said, you look like you haven’t had a bath in ages,” the blond laughed.

“I’ll have to get it cut, then,” he muttered.

“I think it suits you,” she replied, so quiet that he wasn’t sure he heard her. When he glanced up again, Sakura had found interest in the ceiling. He opened his mouth to speak, to ask her if he’d heard her right, if she meant it, something, but he couldn’t find the words.

The waitress moved to their table, completely interrupting his thought process. She took their orders quickly, looking a bit flustered and dashed across the restaurant to where Shikamaru sat chatting to Choji. When Sasuke turned his gaze back to Sakura, she had turned her attention to whatever Naruto was saying, a smile playing on her lips. What he wouldn’t give to have her smile like that at him. He sighed.

———

The sun had set and the lamps were lit, twinkling against the buildings. He had to admit, he did miss the village at night. It had a hazy beauty that was unlike anything else he’d ever experienced. He leaned against the corner of one of the brightly colored, squat buildings that the village was comprised of, far away from where the rest of his old colleagues were congregated, chatting in the cool evening air.

He wished he could say that he’d tried to join in. It was at the forefront of his mind. He knew he had a lot to redeem himself for. The long list left a bitter taste in his mouth. He could hate himself as much as he wanted but it wouldn’t make up for his sins.

Footsteps behind him made him glance over his shoulder. He wasn’t sure who he expected it to be. Naruto, probably, but certainly not Shikamaru. He hadn’t spoken a word to Sasuke since after the war, and that was almost three years ago now. Sasuke raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything. Shikamaru stopped right beside him, arms crossed over his chest. He stared up at the sky.

“You like her, right?” he said simply, not taking his eyes off the stars. Sasuke stayed silent. He shoved his arm into his pocket, glaring straight ahead. Shikamaru sighed and shook his head, turning his whole body to Sasuke.

“I’m giving you this warning because Naruto won’t. Keep your distance,” he said. Sasuke didn’t move. His eyes narrowed and his hand clenched into a fist. The guy had guts, Sasuke had to give him that. Shikamaru wouldn’t stand a chance against him.

“Why?” It was more of a demand than a question. Shikamaru was quiet for a moment. The the again spoke, it was slow, thoughtful, and completely without mirth.

“She saved my life on several occasions. She’s saved everyone’s life at some point.” He motioned over his shoulder at the small group buzzing happily under the lights.

“And?”

“Sakura has made her intentions clear. But you? I’m not sure about. So keep your distance.”

If Sasuke had wanted to reply, Shikamaru didn’t give him a chance. He turned on his heel and marched back to the small group. Sasuke watched him go, head reeling. He scanned the people he’d once called friends. There was Ino, smiling warmly at Sai. And Choji, giving Tenten a hearty pat on the back. Naruto was being teased by Kiba, his arm draped casually over Hinata’s shoulders. And then there was Sakura. Unmistakable in the soft light, her pink hair brushed neatly back away from her face. She was laughing at something Lee had said. She must have felt his eyes on her then because her slim frame tensed up and she shot a glance in his direction. It was less than a second, but he still caught it, the way her eyes widened and her brow knitted together. She let her hair fall in front of her face and she turned so her body was angled away from him.

Sasuke took that as his cue to leave. He sighed and pushed himself away from the building, walking away from the brightly lit restaurant. The trees rustled as he walked despite there being no wind. He knew it was the ANBU. He wondered why they even bothered. They had to know he knew they were there.

His apartment was dark and dusty. It had been months since he’d last been here. He switched on the light and pulled off his cloak, letting it fall to the floor. Not bothering to pick it up, he glided to the small kitchen and pulled an unopened bottle of plain beer out from the fridge. He slammed the refrigerator door and marched back out into the living room where he collapsed on the couch. He pulled the cap off the bottle with his teeth. It fell to the floor with a soft clatter and he took a long pull from the bottle.

Keep your distance. He hadn’t needed the warning. He’d been back exactly four times since the end of the war. Three times to restock, and once to protect the village from the meteor shower. Each time, Naruto had insisted they spend some time together as a team, and each time, Sakura had drifted further away from him. He’d first noticed it when her letters for him became less personal and more business. Instead of signing take care, it was just her name. Then the letters stopped coming entirely. Instead of Sakura, it was Naruto or Shino or Shikamaru that signed their names.

The first time he’d stopped by the village, he’d been struck by how much she’d changed. Calm, collected, but not shy, she’d at least been happy to see him. Their dynamic had changed, but there was still something. And now? He wasn’t sure about now. Her withdrawn attitude towards him said a lot about the state of her trust in regards to him.

He went to take another sip from his bottle, but it was empty. He slammed it on the coffee table and stood up to grab another one. He knew better; alcohol and his thoughts didn’t mix. But it was a don’t mix sort of night. He imagined what his brother would say. Sasuke Uchiha brooding wasn’t all that unusual, but brooding after a girl? It sounded ridiculous, even in his head. He stretched out on the couch, his arm hanging off the edge, his hand curled around the neck of the bottle. 

How had he let this happen? His grip tightened around the glass until it cracked. He’d had a home, a makeshift family and he threw it all away for what? The universe had a twisted sense of humor, that much was certain. Without thinking, his hand closed completely over the neck of the bottle. The glass shattered, cold liquid flowing freely over his skin. He sighed, but didn’t move to clean up the mess. It wasn’t until his palm started to sting that he realized there was a shard of glass lodged in his skin. Perfect, he thought as he stood and picked up the pieces of the bottle off the floor. I’ll have to have Sakura… his thought trailed off with a jolt. No, he wouldn’t ask Sakura to look at it. He’d keep his distance.


	2. Think About It

“Were you happy to see Sasuke last night?”

Sakura froze, her pencil hovering over the medical record she had been reviewing. She knew it was an honest, innocent question. Ino had the best intentions, but it shook her to her core knowing that she honestly didn’t know the answer. She took a deep, steadying breath before she turned to her best friend, plastering a smile on her face.

“It was a nice dinner,” she replied. That wasn’t quite a lie. Ino shot her a curious look, but if she wasn’t satisfied with her answer, she didn’t say. She hummed a little as she sorted through file after file. Tsunade had them organizing and reviewing what felt like the entire hospital archive. Casualties were low right now and most of the girls’ work consisted of sorting and alphabetizing. Sakura didn’t mind. It kept her hands busy and that was enough for her.

Was she happy to see Sasuke? She didn’t know anymore. It had happened gradually, her uncertainty. It was good to have him back, yes, and it was good to know he was on a better track. Or so he said. She wasn’t sure what she believed when it came to him anymore.

She focused in on her paperwork, happy to take her mind off the question.

“Do you think he loved that Karin girl?”

The question was so sudden, so blunt that she dropped her clipboard. “W-what?!” she exclaimed. Ino shot her a smile.

“It’s an honest question,” she replied. “You’ve seemed sad since he came back. I wonder if that’s the reason.”

Sakura opened and closed her mouth several times, at a total loss for words. Ino watched her patiently as she scrambled to pick up the papers that had gone flying. Finally, she found her voice.

“I don’t know what went on between them,” she said finally. That was the truth at least. She’d been doing a lot of lying lately when it came to Sasuke. She was glad she could answer something with honesty, no matter how unsatisfying.

Karin was forbidden territory, something that Ino was well aware of. It said a lot about Sakura’s mood for her to bring it up.

“You’ve been so quiet the past few days, I was just wondering if that was on your mind,” she said simply. She turned back to her files and continued humming. Sakura took a steadying breath and set aside the clipboard. She straightened her shirt and stood. Her friend didn’t say anything as she pulled open the door with a shaky hand.

“I’m taking a break,” she said as she shut the door behind her. She trudged up the stairs to the ground floor, stopping briefly by her office to pick up a few lab results for Naruto. She decided a walk to the Hokage tower would sufficiently clear her mind.

Am I acting that strangely? she wondered as she skipped down the steps in front of the hospital. She’d been feeling off since the moment Sasuke had stepped through the gates. She’d waited for his return, butterflies in her stomach, but the second she’d seen him, she’d wondered if the butterflies were excitement or fear.

She’d sent him letters. Lots of them. She’d asked all sorts of questions, about his health, his emotional state, how he was holding up; she wanted him to know that she still cared. He never replied. Things were strained between them, they always had been. There was a time when she would have laid down her life for him. Then he tried to kill her. He’d tried to kill Naruto too, but those two had always been at each others’ throats and it hadn’t seemed that important at the time. He’d never attacked her like that before. She could still feel the tingle on her neck where he’d gripped her so hard that she nearly suffocated.

Her hands were shaking at the very memory. She could barely hold onto the stack of papers. She collapsed down onto a bench. The trees rustled in the breeze and she shivered, realizing it was the same bench he’d left her on all those years ago. She clenched her jaw, fighting back the tears welling in her eyes.

He’d always affected her like this. She had felt that there was a string of fate that connected them, even when he was miles away. She’d felt it in her gut. He’d cared about her once, she was sure, but now…she wasn’t sure about now. The string had severed when he wrapped his hand around her neck, his eyes blazing. He’d come back, he’d saved her life, he’d saved the village. But trust was fragile and once shattered, the pieces were so hard to put back together. Her heart ached, not because she no longer trusted Sasuke, but because it didn’t hurt her that she didn’t trust him. As if that made any sense at all.

———

It was nearly noon before Sasuke forced his eyes open. The light that filtered in through the window was harsh and he groaned, throwing his arm over his face. His head was pounding. He squinted over at the coffee table where eleven empty bottles sat. Eleven? he thought as he struggled into a sitting position. Sasuke was normally pretty lightweight when it came to alcohol. It was a wonder he was awake at all.

He realized very quickly what had woken him. There was a sharp rapping at the door. Groaning again, he pushed himself to his feet and staggered to the across the room, pulling the door open and leaning against the frame. He squinted up at his visitor.

It was Naruto who greeted him. “Sasuke!” he said brightly, a little too loudly for Sasuke’s liking. He winced as the sound caused bright spots to flash across his vision. Naruto brushed past him into his apartment and threw himself on the couch. Naruto may have matured, but some things really never changed. Sasuke shut the door again with a sigh and slouched over to where his best friend sat. The blond was staring at the empty bottles on the coffee table and the smallest flicker of apprehension crossed his face.

“Crazy party?” he asked, the brightness in his voice marred slightly by concern. Sasuke lowered himself on the other side of the couch. He felt sticky and grimy, and he just wanted to shower and go to bed.

“I just needed a drink,” he replied shortly. He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying his best to ignore the pain in his head.

“And one drink lead to another, which lead to…” Naruto paused as he counted the bottles. “Eleven? That’s a lot.”

Sasuke grunted. “It’s been a long journey,” was all he supplied. Naruto stood up and started pacing back in forth in front of the couch. Sasuke had to stop his eyes from following him back and forth across the room; the motion made his stomach churn uncomfortably. His friend said nothing, just paced back and forth, back and forth, his brows furrowed. Sasuke waited it out. Unlike his friend, he was patient. Though his patience was feeling rather thin at the moment. Finally, Naruto stopped and faced him completely.

“When are you leaving?” he asked. Sasuke thought for a moment. He’d intended to leave this afternoon, but, like it or not, he was in no condition to. He adjusted where he sat and even that slight motion was enough to send the world spinning. He groaned under his breath, closing his eyes. He wished Naruto would leave. He took a steadying breath and answered.

“Tomorrow morning, probably,” he answered. The nausea was creeping up on him now. He would give anything to bury himself in his covers with the curtains drawn right now. Naruto scoffed in disapproval.

“Two days isn’t much of a visit.”

“There’s no reason for me to stay,” he replied shortly. It was only the truth. He’d picked up his pay immediately after walking through the gates and his bags were already packed, restocked with all the essentials; there was nothing stopping him. Besides, the others didn’t want him there. They’d made it a point to skirt around him whenever they were in his proximity. The only reason they’d come to dinner last night was because Sakura was there. He’d pieced that together in the middle of his drunken stupor and he wasn’t surprised that he remembered it — once he’d made that connection, it had felt like someone had their hand around his heart, squeezing it until he couldn’t breathe.

He didn’t know if she’d asked them or if they had invited themselves. It didn’t matter. It just confirmed what he already knew to be true: pardoned or not, they didn’t trust him. They didn’t even like him. And Sakura couldn’t even look at him…

No, he told himself aggressively. There wasn’t enough alcohol in the world that could help him with that confusing, painful mess right now. He remembered his promise. He’d keep his distance, body and mind.

Naruto had moved back to the couch, propping his feet on the coffee table. The bottles clinked gently together as he nudged them out of the way with his foot. “I was planning on taking the day off tomorrow, maybe get you out for a few drinks,” he paused, his eyes scanning the empty bottles. He chewed his lip, as if contemplating whether he should comment on it again, but apparently decided against that. “Maybe spar, you know, just hang out, like old times.”

Sasuke assumed that the ‘old times’ his friend was referring to were when they were just barely genin, always at each others’ throats, always taking the chance to try to land a fist in the others’ face. He never personally considered that to be hanging out but he still appreciated the gesture. At least Naruto was trying, unlike the others. He realized that the blond was speaking again and forced himself to focus.

“…and Sakura said she’d try to get the day off too! What do you say, Sasuke?” At the sound of her name, Sasuke froze. His fist clenched on his knee, his back rigid. The world spun. It was all he could do to keep what little food he had in his stomach down. When he spoke, it was barely above a whisper.

“She doesn’t want to see me.” He kept his eyes closed, his lips barely moving. He could feel Naruto’s gaze on him and the mood in the room tangibly changed. An uncomfortable silence hovered in the air between them, tense, bitter. It was an area neither had crossed into in each other’s presence. It was forbidden, and unspoken taboo. And Sasuke had stepped into that territory. He’d just crossed that line. He’d laid a part of his pain out on the table, albeit a fairly small part, but nonetheless, there it was.

“That’s not it. She just doesn’t know how to…to…to talk to you,” the blond stammered. Sasuke’s eyes snapped open. Naruto was staring at the bottles again, understanding dawning across his face, understanding that his best friend had drunk himself under a table last night in a pathetic attempt at numbing his roiling emotions. “You’re gone so often, no one really knows how to talk to you anymore,” Naruto continued, his voice wavering slightly. There was no conviction in his statement. Even he didn’t believe his words, and they were his own. No, Sasuke was the most hated face in the village right now. Maybe he could have handled that at one point in time, but not now. He wanted forgiveness. He craved it. He sighed heavily.

“I don’t want platitudes, Naruto,” he said dully. They were meaningless to him. It was Naruto’s turn to sigh. He shook his head and pushed himself off the couch. He stared down at Sasuke, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Fine, you can go wallow out in the wilderness. But that won’t make it better. It never has,” he said bluntly. It was another punch to the gut, one of many he’d been getting lately. He was used to that jarring awareness now and his breath didn’t hitch in his throat like it used to whenever someone pointed out how glaringly wrong his confused logic was. He didn’t reply. He hated it when Naruto was right, and he was definitely right this time. Naruto crossed the room to the door and pulled it open. He paused, looking back over his shoulder.

“Stay a week, that’s all. Spend some time with everyone. Show them you’re not what they think you are. Just…just think about it, okay?” he said simply. The door shut softly behind him, leaving Sasuke in the silence of his empty apartment.

Show them I’m not what they think I am, he thought with a grim smile. What did they think he was? The only words that popped up in his mind were villainous traitor and it wasn’t far from the truth. The road to redemption was long and winding and he just couldn’t see how he’d ever reach the end if he was here and not there, when here meant scrutinizing stares and angry whispers and there meant clarity and peace. He stood and staggered to the bathroom, turning on the water in the shower. He stared at his reflection in the mirror, at the miserable outcast he’d become. There were dark circles under his mismatched eyes and he was pale, more pale than usual. He was skinny too, all bones and sinew. With a grunt of disgust, he turned from the pallid face staring at him and undressed. Think about it. Naruto’s words rang in his ears as he stepped under the hot spray of water. And he did think about it. He thought about it until his head hit his pillow, hair still damp, and his eyes closed, and he fell into uneasy sleep.


	3. Still Running

He’d decided to stay for another day, which, if he was honest, was nothing if not predictable.If Naruto asked him to stay, he’d stay.Hell, if Naruto asked him to kick homeless puppies, who was he to say no?He owed a great debt to the man, one he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to repay.It was almost embarrassing.

 

Sasuke locked his apartment behind him as he stepped outside.He shoved the key into his pocket and hunched down into his wide collar.He found that keeping his face hidden from the general public brought a little less wrath down on him.People tended to overlook him and he was able to blend in a little better.It still didn’t stop him from taking the back streets on his way to the training grounds.The few people who were out this early in the morning gave him a wide berth, refusing to meet his eyes.He found he preferred repulsion to angry whispers.At least people pretended not to see him.He still felt tainted, but at least he felt slightly less hated.

 

It was a cool morning.The cloudy sky was tinged a light pink as the sun began its ascent into the sky.Vendors were just starting to set up shop for the day and several old ladies were sweeping the street in front of their storefronts.It was quiet, peaceful.While he found nights in the village beautiful, early mornings were undoubtably his favorite time of day, when the night fog lifts and the sun is struggling to warm the earth.It was serene.And it helped that there were less people around in the morning was a plus.Sasuke took a deep breath of the crisp morning air, letting himself have one small moment of contentment before bringing himself back to reality.

 

A young girl skipped out in front of him, a pinwheel in her hand.She seemed entirely enraptured by its motion, and she giggled happily as she swung it around.He started to step around her when a sudden motion caught his eye.The girl’s mother dashed out in front of him, shielding her daughter from him.Sasuke stopped, raising an eyebrow at the woman in confusion.The woman was trembling slightly as she glared at him.“Stay away from my daughter, traitor,” she spat at him, pushing her child back into the building they’d emerged from.Sasuke watched solemnly as the woman slammed the door shut behind her.It was barely six in the morning and it was already turning out to be a terrible day.He seriously considered returning home.But he knew he couldn’t, so he sighed and continued on, focusing on the task at hand. _Spar with Naruto, go home_ , he repeated to himself, over and over.He could do that.

 

They’d agreed to meet at the old training yard, the very first one Team 7 ever used.It was more out of sentimentality than practicality.The training grounds here were used mostly by genin and as such the equipment couldn’t stand up to the caliber of attacks performed by highly trained ninja.He and Naruto had agreed to go easy on each other today, however.No jutsu, no weapons, just bare fists.They already nearly killed each other once to no avail, there was no sense in doing it again.

 

He expected to be the first to arrive — Naruto was just as bad as Kakashi about punctuality anymore — but he wasn’t.Naruto was already there, his body bent at an odd angle as he stretched.Sasuke glowered, stuffing his hand in his pocket as he shuffled across the grass.The blond turned as he approached, giving him a smile and a wave.Sasuke didn’t return the gesture, but it didn’t seem to bother his friend.Without warning, Naruto flew at him, and Sasuke barely had enough time to roll out of the way, hitting the ground with a grunt.He sprang lithely back to his feet, blocking a punch with his forearm.

 

“Warning would have been nice,” he grumbled under his breath, more to himself than to Naruto. 

 

“But a warning would have been no fun!” he replied, laughing.A small smile tugged at Sasuke’s mouth as he lunged forward, repaying blow for blow.He’d never admit it out loud, but this felt good. _Normal_.And normal wasn’t something he’d felt for a long time.

 

———

 

The sun was high above them when they finally decided to take a break.Sasuke flopped onto the grass, back against a tree, panting hard.Beside him, Naruto mirrored his action.He grabbed his canteen thirstily and took a few large swigs, water dripping down his front.Without a word, he offered it to Sasuke, who took it gratefully.It was warm from the sunshine, but his throat was dry and he quickly finished off what little was left.His muscles were already sore, an effect of traveling and not training, he supposed.A few years ago, he’d looked strong, healthy.He was skinnier now, still toned, but less mass.And now he was _sore_.

 

Naruto stretched out his neck, rubbing upper arm where Sasuke had landed a rather hard punch.He was smiling, looking content and happy, and in turn, a sense of ease wafted over Sasuke.The incident from that morning was gone out of his mind.Suddenly, Naruto reached over and gave him a rough pat on the shoulder.It nearly knocked him forward, but he regained his composure quickly.He glanced over at his friend.Naruto still wasn’t looking at him, his eyes instead trained on the clouds overhead.He had a bemused look about him.

 

“You’ve kept in shape,” he said casually.Sasuke narrowed his eyes, suddenly suspicious.He liked to think he could read people well, and Naruto was no different.Something was coming, he could feel it in his gut.

 

“Hmm.”

 

“What’s up with you, man?” Naruto asked.There was no context, no explanation, yet Sasuke knew exactly what the question hinted at and he didn’t like it.

 

“What are you talking about?”It was all he could do to keep his voice from wavering.He stared straight ahead, his fist clenched on his lap. _Don’t go there_ , he pleaded silently to Naruto.Naruto sighed.

 

“I just mean…well, you’ve never been the cheeriest person in the world, I’ll give you that.But lately, I don’t know.You’ve been off.”

 

Sasuke didn’t reply.He waited, holding his breath, hoping against hope that Naruto would give up, turn the conversation around.He wanted to go home suddenly, wanted to lock himself in his room and hide under the covers like a kid afraid of the dark. 

 

“And all those bottles.It’s not like you,” Naruto finished.

 

“I told you, I needed a drink,” Sasuke muttered.It was nearly a growl, a warning to Naruto that he was crossing into unwelcome territory.It was territory he didn’t even let his own, albeit disobedient, mind cross into. 

 

“And I told you eleven bottles of beer isn’t normal.I know you like to keep your thoughts to yourself, I get it.But…well…” Naruto trailed off slightly.The question was coming, he could feel it.“Is this about Sakura?”

 

And there it was, the dreaded question.The question with an answer so complicated that _he_ wasn’t even sure the answer.It certainly seemed to him that Sakura was the stem of all his misery.After all, she couldn’t even look at him, and isn’t that what prompted the first bottle in the first place?But a little voice kept nagging in the back of his head, and he knew that it wasn’t all her.She’d done nothing wrong.In fact, she’d done everything she could and he’d pushed her away, hard.Each push was another crack in their already fragile relationship.And something had shattered down the line and it wasn’t her that broke it.Or maybe it had always been broken.Or maybe it was _him_ that was broken.He didn’t let his brain go further with that thought.There was too much truth there, and truth hurt.

 

If Naruto picked up on his silent cue, he ignored it and pushed further into that out-of-bounds region of discussion.“What about Karin?”

 

Sasuke gasped as if Naruto had kicked him in the gut.His muscles tensed, his fist clenched until he could feel blood dripping from where his fingernails opened the cut on his hand.Karin, why did everyone ask about Karin.There was no love there, only guilt.Why couldn’t anyone see that?

 

“What about her?” he snapped through gritted teeth.Naruto looked almost startled, his blue eyes wide.He pressed on, however.

 

“You were with her for a long time.I always thought that maybe you had feelings for her,” he said simply.“It’s fine if you do.Just…Sakura’s been hurt enough, alright?”

 

That hit him like a ton of bricks.It was the second reminder in two days of the damage he’d caused, especially for her.He pushed himself to his feet, bright spots blurring his vision.His head was pounding again, but this time, alcohol wasn’t the cause.He needed to get away.Words were buzzing through his brain and if he stayed any longer, some might come out and he would never be able to unsay those words.He was breathing heavily. _Sakura’s been hurt enough_.And it was he who’d done the hurting.Nothing he could say or do would ever change that.

 

A hand caught his arm as he stood, halting him in his tracks.Chest heaving, he looked down.Naruto hadn’t moved.His eyes were still trained on the sky.

 

“Stop running,” he said softly.Sasuke’s heart hammered in his ears.“You can’t let this eat you away.Not like last time.”

 

_Last time_.Last time had lead to all this.“I can’t,” he whispered, his voice raspy.Though what exactly it was that he couldn’t do, he couldn’t say.Naruto pulled him back to the ground, and he found he didn’t have any will to fight it.His head fell forward onto his hands and he rubbed his face tiredly.

 

“You can’t keep running away from this, Sasuke,” Naruto repeated.“So answer me honestly.Is this about Sakura.”

 

Sasuke didn’t look up.He didn’t move.He didn’t even breathe.He never consciously allowed his brain to make any form of decision, but it made its own.It came out, all of it, and he couldn’t stop it.It was like his own mind was tired of the misery while his body rejected peace.He didn’t deserve it.Guilt was his drive for redemption.It was the only way he’d make up for his sins.Yet his mouth moved.Was it Sakura?Yes.Was it Karin?No.Was there something else?Too much for him to even begin to think about and piece together.But he talked anyway.And the whole time, Naruto just listened.He frowned, solemn and serious, but he listened, and for that, Sasuke was grateful.

 

“I just want to be forgiven.”

 

It was a simple request, but when was anything ever simple?The sun was starting its decent, the sky a deep red-orange color.They sat in silence together, watching the horizon change colors over the treetops.A steady hand grabbed him by the shoulder and gave him an affectionate squeeze.He closed his eyes.

 

“We’ll figure this out,” was all Naruto said.It wasn’t convincing, but it was reassuring.And for now, that was enough.

 

———

 

Dinner again.For the second night in a row, Sasuke found himself on the outside of the group, looking in. _Who kept inviting them?_ he wondered to himself.He was under the impression it would just be him an Naruto, out for a few drinks, but apparently he’d been wrong.

 

Ichiraku Ramen hand’t changed in the nearly ten years since he’d been back.The only difference were a few small tables placed outside.The small group milled about out front, chatting cheerily.No one paid him any attention.He couldn’t decide if he was glad of that or not. _Her_ back was completely turned to him and that definitely hurt, but it was no less than he was used to.He took to the shadows, watching from across the street.He considered leaving; after all, no one would notice if he left.He wasn’t even sure they were aware of his presence.At least this time, they weren’t trying to be subtle.And the way they surrounded Sakura confirmed his earlier suspicions: they’d come to protect her from him.

 

It was nearly dark on the street now and the street lights flickered to life.He wondered when they would sit down to eat.He was hungry.Naruto, always visible in his bright orange jacket, was searching the street for him, so he sighed and stepped out into the light.He heeded Naruto’s beckoning, but as he approached, the group moved away down the street.He scowled after them, slightly offended.

 

“We’re not eating?” he asked, his voice low and irritated.To his surprise, Naruto laughed.He looked over at him, startled.

 

“Don’t you remember what today is?” he chuckled.Sasuke glowered harder in reply.“It’s the first day of fall!”Naruto said it expectantly, as if it being the first day of fall was supposed to mean something to him.He had no idea what the date had to do with dinner, but he was sore and tired from sparring, and he didn’t see any point in staying if they weren’t going to eat. _Besides_ , he thought, staring down the street after the meandering group, _they don’t want me here anyway_.Naruto sighed and shook his head, a smile tugging his lips.“The fall festival is tonight,” he continued.Sasuke didn’t realize he could frown any further, but his face darkened once more.

 

“I see,” he muttered.He turned to go.After the incident with the girl that morning, the last thing he wanted to do was be surrounded by a crowd of people who neither trusted or liked him.He was better off in his darkened apartment with a bottle in his hand.Naruto caught his arm and gave him a sharp tug before he could jerk away.

 

“You’re going,” he said.His voice was cheery, but Sasuke could hear the inflection in his voice.The kid was guilt tripping him and he knew it.“The only way they’ll get used to you being back is if you make an effort.”

 

Sasuke tugged his arm out from Naruto’s grasp.He was right again, but he thought about the little girl again, the way her mother shielded her from view and spat at his feet.A whole street full of that…

 

“I’m going home,” he said and started down the street the opposite direction.Before he made it three steps, a hard punch right between the shoulder blades made him stumbled forward.Red, hot anger flooded through him and he turned back around, his fist ready, only to come face-to-face with his best friend.The blond’s eyebrows were furrowed in disapproval, his hands clenched at his side.Sasuke took a step back, surprised by the sudden aggression.

 

“I have stuck up for you for _years_ , Sasuke,” he growled.“I’m not letting you hide from this anymore.”It wasn’t an angry or disappointed statement.It was a statement full of emotion, too many for Sasuke to pick up on.

 

He blinked.It was the first time that he’d heard that tone in a long time.He remembered standing on the water that day, across from his old teacher and teammates.He’d nearly killed her that day, his hand around her throat.He’d been so stupid.The guilt twisted its way through his stomach and the world spun so fast that he had to grip the wall of the ramen shop to keep from falling down.The images flashed by so fast he couldn’t see them, but each one sent a shock of pain through his heart.Karin, bleeding on the ground.Itachi, dead in a pool of his own blood.Naruto, beaten and armless.Sakura…a cut on her cheek…crying alone on a park bench…He wrapped his arm around his stomach, willing himself not to vomit.

 

A hand on his shoulder grounded him again.Naruto didn’t look at him, just kept a heavy, reassuring hand resting on his shoulder.He realized there were tears tracks on his cheeks and he quickly wiped them away, ashamed.He usually forbade those memories to resurface until he’d fallen asleep.He straightened himself up with as much dignity as he could muster.The group was already so far down the street that he could hardly make out their outlines.It was a small comfort.He took a long, shaky breath.“Let’s go then,” he murmured.Naruto just nodded.He’d finally turned his gaze to the mess of a man next to him, concern marring his otherwise relaxed features.Sasuke didn’t want to think about what was going through his friend’s head, so he stepped out onto the street, following the others.

 

It had been years since he’d been to any kind of festival.When he was a kid, his mother used to bring him to the festivals to watch the dancing and the musicians.He’d lost what joy it had brought him after her death.As an adult, he still didn’t find much enjoyment in it.The street was lit up with beautifully elaborate paper lantern that gave off a warm glow.Vendors had set up small stalls on either side of the street and shouted to people as they walked by.A small state had been erected in the center of the street, though it was empty at the moment.Sasuke edged around the crowd, trying to stay out of peoples’ way.Those that came near tended to stay away from him anyway, but he felt most comfortable away from the crowd.He followed the small group from a distance, watching as Naruto bought Hinata an ice cream cone and as Kiba offered a shish kebab to Akamaru.It was picture perfect for everyone except him.

 

A set of dancers had climbed up onto the stage and were preparing to perform.The crowd started to gather.Rock Lee lead the charge, shoving his way through the civilians until he’d made space for his companions.He beckoned them all forward and they followed, laughing and joking.Sasuke remained back again.His place was behind them, outside of their tight-knit family.It would be a perfect time to slip away, but he sighed, remembering the look on Naruto’s face.How many times had he had that thought tonight alone and hadn’t acted on it?He shook his head slightly.No, he would stay.He always did. 

 

He was about to wander off to another stall when a flurry of pink hair caught his eye.She was standing there, all alone, watching her friends with a bemused expression.Her arms her folded over her chest, all her weight resting on one leg.She didn’t even notice him.Sasuke bit his lip. _Keep your distance_.It rang in his ears, echoing through his mind.But Shikamaru had left for Suna that morning, and he doubted the others were paying much attention.Now might be the only time he’d get in a long time to just _talk_ to her.He glanced around, catching sight of a few masks.The ANBU could frown all they wanted, he decided.He wasn’t breaking any rules by talking to her in public.He edged through the crowd slowly, his thoughts racing, his heart pounding.What would he say to her?Was there anything to say?Hell, he’d be happy if she just _looked_ at him.

 

Sakura saw him approaching and her nose scrunched up.It was her look of confusion, a look that he’d missed.But she didn’t turn away, she didn’t try to flee.She watched him approach, her eyes focused firmly over his shoulder.He stopped right by her.It was as close as he’d been in months.She stared at his broad chest, her brows knitting together.She was silent.His brain was working fast, trying to find something, _anything_ , to say.

 

“How’s work?” he asked lamely.He wanted to kick himself. _How’s work_ , his brain mocked.When did he forget how to talk to her?She looked up at him, startled, her green eyes flicking to meet his gaze for a fraction of a second before resting, once more, on his collarbone.He tried to play it cool like he always had and turned so he was facing the stage, leaning up against a street lamp a few feet away.

 

“Not too busy,” she replied.It was stiff, mechanical.But she was talking to him.Directly talking to him.Baby steps, he told himself.

 

“You know, I never asked you when you decided to learn healing,” he said.He wasn’t looking at her, too afraid that if he did, he’d lose his courage.He felt her muscles tense beside him, and glanced down to see a small frown twist her face for a split second.Of course he never asked; he’d been too busy plotting to take down the village to ask.The thought occurred to him too late.Words couldn’t be unsaid.But she didn’t leave.She shifted her weight to her other leg thoughtfully.

 

“Years ago now,” she said simply.“I think I was thirteen?”Sasuke jerked his head back in surprise, the corners of his mouth pulling back for a split second.Thirteen was young for healers.It wasn’t all that surprising.Out of all of them, Sakura had been the only one with perfect chakra control.

 

“It’s impressive,” he said.It was a casual remark, but earnest.He hoped she could hear that in his tone.Healing was hard, even for someone with a natural gift for it, and she certainly had a gift.He glanced down at her again, and their eyes met, and for the first time in a long, _long_ time, she didn’t look away.Her mouth was open slightly, her lips forming a small “o”.“What?” he asked.He didn’t take his eyes off hers.He’d missed looking at them, those eyes like sparkling emeralds.A sharp breeze cut through the crowd, blowing her hair into her face and the magic was broken.She shook the strands out of her face and returned her gaze to her shoes.

 

“After you left,” was all she had to say.It was quiet, a mumble almost. but it spoke volumes.He wasn’t forgiven yet.He wondered if there was anything he could ever say to change that.He watched as the breeze kicked up and her hair fluttered around her face.

 

“Look, Sakura,” he started, but she shook her head.

 

“It’s okay.”He didn’t believe her.Not for a moment.

 

“It’s not,” he insisted.“I’m sorry.”Sorry for leaving, sorry for knocking you out, sorry for…he couldn’t bring his mind to think about that day on the water again.Her gaze flickered back up to him, searching.She wondered if he meant it.He did.He never meant anything so much in his life.“I’m so sorry.”The last part was a whisper.Her lips parted again before one corner of her mouth ticked upward, the smallest of smiles pulling at her face.

 

“Hmm,” she hummed.Her muscles relaxed a bit — he could tell by her posture.She’d shifted her weight again, her hip pushed back in his direction, her arms clasped behind her back, not crossed over her chest.A small, easy smile crossed her face.He wondered what she was thinking, but he didn’t care.She was close to him and she wasn’t moving.In fact, she was even smiling.Progress, more progress.He found himself relaxing too, contentment washing over him.They stood there in silence as the performers danced on the stage above them.He basked in her glow, that stark, open beauty of her body.Just being near her send electric shocks through him.He wondered if she felt the same thing he did, but thought better than to ask.

 

She was struggling with her hair.Whenever she’d tuck it back behind her ear, the wind would blow it out again.Eventually, she gave up, and let it fly free.He watched the shiny strands flow through the air.It was such an unusual color, a delicate pink for the blossoms she was named for.Without thinking, he reached out, tucking a few strands back away from her face.Her hair flowed over his fingers like silk, and she closed her eyes.For a split second, he thought she was going to lean into his touch.But the thought was too good to be true.As if realizing what was happening, she pulled back, not meeting his gaze.Her eyes were wide, a bit panicked and she took a few steps away from him.

 

“It’s…it’s getting late,” she stammered, a flow of color tinting her cheeks.He just nodded, letting his hand fall to his side.“Good night, Sasuke,” she said hurriedly and she disappeared into the crowd.

 

He stood alone for a few moments.His fingers tingled, his heart hammered so hard in his chest it hurt.He wasn’t sure what had just happened.He’d _never_ touched anyone like that before, and especially not without their permission.And he’d upset her.He thought about the look in her eyes, the look that had so clearly said _no, this is wrong_.The momentary feeling of ease that had washed over him was gone in one painful heartbeat.The guilt was back as soon as it had disappeared.With a sigh, he turned from the crowd and walked into the shadow of the street, disappearing behind to buildings.

 

His bag was already packed back at his apartment.He didn’t wait long enough to say goodbye to anyone.He knew he wasn’t welcome there, and he doubted he ever would be again.

 

He left the village before the sun rose the next morning.


	4. Are You Real?

He’d been gone for three weeks and normalcy had set in once more.Sakura hummed softly to herself as she locked her door and stepped out into the morning sun.She never liked fall as much as spring, but the cool weather was a thousand times better than the muggy summer.She shifted her bag on her shoulder.It was filled to bursting with paperwork.She and Ino had been up to their necks in paperwork for almost a month, and with two large stacks left, they’d decided to take them home and finish them overnight.Her eyes stung a bit against the sunlight from lack of sleep, but at least it was all done.

 

She decided to take the main road this morning.Since Sasuke’s arrival in the village, she’d avoided it.She knew he hated crowds, but if he had been looking for her, it would have been the easiest place to spot her.Her hair didn’t exactly allow her to blend in.

 

Avoiding Sasuke was the only logical thing her mind could come up with.She didn’t trust him but a part of her still loved him.Maybe.She did’t entirely know what she really felt anymore but she refused to let her thoughts wander there.But until she could figure it all out, she stayed away from him.If she let herself be near him, she would fall for him again.And how could she love someone fully without trusting them?She would never be able to love him if she was afraid that he would switch at any moment and try to hurt her.She feared him, and in turn, she didn’t trust him.And if she couldn’t trust him, avoidance was the only option.It was a grim thought process her brain liked to engage in in the small hours of the morning when sleep eluded her.

 

The best solution she’d found so far was to bring the Konoha eleven with her.It had been Hinata’s idea.They’d been sitting under a shady tree in the park, going over the guest list for her wedding for what felt like the three-hundredth time.

 

“How are you, Sakura?”The question had surprised her, since they’d been chatting casually for the past hour.When she’d looked up, it was to see pale eyes filled with concern.It had all come out there, the absurd circle of love and trust and fear that tended to meld together in her mind until there was no sense and the only thing she could grasp was the absolute _sadness_ the thoughts brought with them.And Hinata had listened so patiently until Sakura was done and was wiping the tears from her cheeks.“He loves you, you know,” she’d whispered after that, rubbing the back of Sakura’s hand with her thumb.She hadn’t known how to respond to that because how could he?How many times had she begged him to return only to be met with rejection and violence?But Hinata had promised to get everyone together for moral support.And that was the most comforted Sakura had felt in a long while.

 

“You’re early today, Sakura!” Ino called from the front of the flower shop.Sakura brought herself back to the present and smiled, waving cheerily down the street.Ino’s usually exposed midriff was covered by a dark green apron and she was bending over one of the pots, a bright yellow watering can in her hand.She straightened up as Sakura approached, setting the watering can aside and untying the apron from the back.She slipped it over her head, wiping her hands on it as she discarded it next to the watering can on the ground.“Give me a second!” she said, dashing back into the shop and returning just moments later with a bag of her own.She shouted to her mother that she was leaving and stepped out onto the street next to Sakura.

 

“Did you finish?” she asked as Ino joined her in the street.Ino grinned, rubbing her eyes sleepily.

 

“Barely.They sun was rising by the time I signed the last paper.”Sakura smiled. _She_ hadn’t seen the sun rise; her clock had struck 3 A.M. and her head had hit the pillow.But she suspected it had taken Ino longer because of a certain teammate of hers.Sakura knew Ino too well by now to know that ‘one drink’ with Sai actually meant ‘out until all hours of early morning’.They climbed the stairs of the hospital, chatting happily until Tsunade met them just outside the doors, her face dark.Their talk trailed off uncertainly as they watched the Sanin approach.

 

“Everything okay, Lady Tsunade?” Ino asked slowly.

 

“Both of you, come with me,” was her snappy reply.Ino and Sakura glanced at each other, unsure, but followed the Fifth into the hospital anyway, up the stairs, and into her cluttered office.She motioned for them to sit.Sakura’s heart was beating in her chest.What had she done wrong?Were they in trouble for taking the papers?That couldn’t be it — Tsunade didn’t care about that kind of stuff.She brought her fingers to her mouth, tapping her nails lightly against her teeth, her knee bouncing, as they waited in silence for Tsunade’s wrath.But it never came.

 

The older woman slipped into the chair behind her desk and leaned back, sighing.She closed her eyes.The girls waited with bated breath until finally, Tsunade opened her eyes again.She pulled a scroll out of a drawer and pushed it across the desk.Sakura glanced at Ino before reaching forward and taking it.

 

“Mission request from Kakashi,” Tsunade said as Sakura scanned the page Ino looking curiously over her shoulder.“He wants a medical-nin at the tower as soon as possible for a briefing.”

 

“I’ll go,” Ino said immediately, her face suddenly serious.Under normal circumstances, Sakura would protest.Out of the two of them, Sakura was better in combat, and if the mission was confrontational…but she couldn’t bring herself to speak.Her eyes hovered over the page, over the name. _Sasuke_.Requesting medical treatment immediately.Her stomach dropped.What could possibly hurt him?She didn’t want to think about it.She looked up at Tsunade who was watching her carefully. 

 

“How?” she asked softly.How could anyone have snuck up on one of the most powerful ninja in the world?It didn’t make sense.It wasn’t possible.Her head was reeling.

 

“Yet to be determined,” Tsunade answered, just as softly.She folded her hands in front of her mouth.

 

“Is he…will he…?” she couldn’t form the words.The thought was too painful and she realized with a jolt that he couldn’t die.What would she do if he did?Her mind was racing as it skimmed through all possibilities. _Wounded, dying, dead_ …she felt the tears stinging the back of her eyes and took a deep breath.She could cry later, but not here.Not with Tsunade watching.

 

“We have no information yet,” Tsunade said.Sakura nodded and handed the scroll off to Ino, who took it, looking visibly confused.

 

“I’ll go,” Sakura announced.She hoped the others couldn’t hear the waver in her voice.She glanced at Ino, whose mouth was slightly open as she read over the scroll.When she looked up again, her teal eyes were glassy.Sakura expected her to argue, but instead she pressed her lips tight and nodded.

 

“Are you sure about this, Sakura?”Sakura looked back at Tsunade and nodded, her brows set.She had to do this.She didn’t know why, but something in her needed this.To prove to herself she could, maybe.She’d lived the last three years with a cloud of uncertainty hanging over her head.If she could save him, maybe he’d _finally_ give her some answers.Maybe.But it had to be her, no matter what.“Go to the tower, then,” Tsunade said.Sakura stood and turned from them.She could feel their eyes boring into her as she closed the door behind her.

 

———

 

She knocked twice on Kakashi’s door and let herself in without waiting for an answer.He liked to keep his office dim; the curtains were drawn and all lights except for the solitary desk lamp were off.She held the scroll in her hand tightly, her knuckles white.Kakashi was sitting behind his desk, his nose buried in a stack of papers.He glanced up when she entered but had to do a double take.Sakura crossed the room slowly and lowered herself into one of the moldy old chairs across from him.She placed the mission brief on his desk with a shaky hand.

 

She could still feel the tingle of his fingers on her cheek, feather soft on her skin as he pushed her hair out of her face.It had been a tender touch, so much different than that day on the water.Suddenly, her throat constricted and she could almost feel the bruises on her neck.Something in her snapped.Anger coursed through her.Here she was, saving his life after he nearly ended hers.The universe was funny like that, she supposed.But she wouldn’t back down from this.It didn’t matter what their relationship was.If the village considered Sasuke an ally, then he was an ally and she helped her allies.Regardless of her confusing mess of emotions, she would go to him.

 

“I’m ready,” she said simply.She stared at the scroll, afraid that if she looked anywhere else, her emotions would get the better of her. _I have to do this_ , she thought.

 

“I expected…someone else.”It was a casual remark, but full of meaning.They all knew how she felt about Sasuke Uchiha these days.She was certain he was wondering how she could do her job properly if she couldn’t even look at him.She let her gaze meet her teacher’s.He was staring thoughtfully at her over his mask.

 

“There wasn’t anyone else available.”

 

“You don’t have to put yourself in this position.You’ve proven yourself ten times over to this village, we can find—,”

 

She cut him off.“No, we can’t because I’m the best we have.”It was the truth.She’d surpassed Tsunade herself years ago.“If we’re going in blind, we need the best.”

 

The silence that fell over them was heavy.Kakashi leaned back in his chair, running frustrated fingers through his hair, thinking.She could almost hear his thought process.He knew the team would need her, but didn’t want her to fall apart.She straightened up a bit.

 

“Who am I traveling with?”

 

As if on cue, the door banged open.Sakura turned in her chair, expecting to see Naruto or Sai, or maybe both.It seemed fitting that Team 7 should be sent.But instead she found herself looking at Shikamaru.He was rubbing the back of his neck as he stepped into the office.

 

“Sorry I’m late,” he yawned.He took a seat next to Sakura, but didn’t look at her.Kakashi handed him an identical scroll and Shikamaru took a few quiet minutes to scan it.Only then did he look over at Sakura.His eyes were dark, but he didn’t say anything.“Understood,” he muttered, then he cleared his throat.“I’ll get ready then.”

 

She didn’t say anything, just watched him carefully as he stood once more.“I trust you’ll be okay, Sakura?” he asked from behind her.She glanced over her shoulder and smiled.

 

“Of course.”The door shut.

 

“Sakura.”

 

She paused, looking at Kakashi.Her look was dark, brooding.It wasn’t _Sakura_.Something inside her had snapped.

 

“I truly believe he’s changed.Just give him another chance.”

 

The look she gave him was so cold that it nearly made him shudder.It was a glare he was not aware she was capable of giving.

 

“I’m all out of chances to give.”It was a statement filled with anger, pain, sorrow, a mess of emotions, none of which were a good mix.The door slammed shut behind her, leaving Kakashi in his silent office.

 

———

 

Sasuke knew when he was out of his league.He wasn’t stupid.It wounded his pride to think that he’d been caught unaware in the open like that, but he was alive and that was what mattered at the moment.He sat back against a tree, breathing heavily.He was covered in mud and the puncture wounds still hadn’t stopped bleeding and were now oozing a foul-smelling yellow fluid.He prayed that his hawk had made it to the village.Much longer and he’d be dead.

 

It had been a bad idea to leave the village in his current embittered mental state.He was distracted and he’d made mistakes.The shinobi nations may have allied together, but that didn’t stop the rogue ninja that frequented this area of the Land of Fire.They were vultures, preying on those weaker than them. _That_ was what hurt his pride most.He’d been weaker, stopped at a creek for a short rest, completely out in the open, his mind back on the village, back on _her_ , and not on his current task.The bandits probably hadn’t recognized him; if they had, they would have walked right by.But instead, he got several throwing knives in the back and a few broken ribs.He’d patched up his bones himself with medical tape, but it was the knife wounds that were giving him the biggest problem.They burned when air hit them, and ached when bandaged.At first, they’d just bled, but in the course of a week, they hadn’t healed an inch and he knew they were infected.That’s when he’d sent the bird, almost twenty-four hours ago.

 

He hadn’t left the general area in that time, though he thought he could sometimes hear the bandits tramping around in the bushes.He’d tried to take refuge in the trees, but it was so high up and he was so tired.He closed his eyes, doing his best to ignore the pain in his back.A bug buzzed by his ear, landing on his forehead, but his arms were too heavy, he couldn’t lift them. _So this is it_ , he thought, almost laughing.The feared Sasuke Uchiha, dead from a few puncture wounds in the woods.It was no less than he deserved.

 

Sasuke sighed and forced his eyes open.The world was spinning, but he decided that if he was going to die, he’d at least do so with dignity.He’d find a nice spot in the grass and just sleep.Yeah, that sounded nice.He grabbed the tree bark, ignoring the sharp splinters that lodged themselves in his hands as he pulled himself to his feet.The earth gave a sharp twist, so fast that he nearly fell.His stomach was churning and there was not much he could to but grab onto the tree trunk and lean over and let everything in his stomach come spilling out.It hurt his ribs _a lot_.He coughed and sputtered, tumbling backwards and landing on the hard ground only a few feet away from the mess.His head hit the dirt floor.

 

They were tramping through the bushes again.He could hear them just a few feet away.If he was lucky, they would wander right past; they wouldn’t even notice him lying on the ground surrounded on all sides by foliage.Or maybe he could play dead.He was too sick to fight, but if he just pretended to be dead, maybe they’d let him just fall asleep.No such luck.The leaves above him rustled in his ear and the footsteps stopped by his head.He forced his eyes open once more, expecting to see the ugly, pinched face of the bandit, but he was met with a much more pleasant sight.Her pink hair, soft as silk, tickled his chin as she laid her head softly on his chest. 

 

 _I’m imagining things.Won’t be long now_ , he thought and he sighed, closing his eyes again.The light pressure on his chest lifted.

 

“He’s alive!” she called out, but he didn’t know who she was talking to.It didn’t matter.The dream would be over soon.He refused to waste what little time was left thinking about trivial things like that.Imaginary or not _she_ was here with him.

 

“Sakura,” he murmured, her name sliding off his tongue like honey.“Sakura.”

 

“Don’t try to talk, Sasuke,” she ordered.He opened his heavy eyelids once more.The light was painful, but there she was, still there.He picked up his heavy arm, reaching out to touch her. _This is a dream_ , he told himself firmly, but it didn’t stop him.He needed to touch her.His hand landed heavily on hers where it rested on the ground.It was solid.That was weird.Dreams weren’t normally solid.She didn’t seem to notice the pressure on her hand.“Shikamaru, over here!” she called out. _Shikamaru?_ he frowned.That wasn’t right either.Shikamaru wasn’t supposed to be there, just Sakura.He really was loosing it.

 

The bushes rustled again and a new voice spoke.“I think I got them all.How is he?”

 

Sakura pulled her hand away from his.He tried to grab it back but was too weak.“Bad,” she said.

 

“Can you fix him up?” Shikamaru asked.He didn’t sound too concerned.Sasuke watched him lean against a tree.He was delirious.What in the world was going on in his sickened mind?Sakura didn’t answer directly.

 

“Let’s just hope the infection didn’t spread into his blood stream.It’s lucky his hawk was so fast,” she said.Hawk?His hawk!He’d sent one for her.Was this real?It was becoming to muddled in his head now.He couldn’t tell if he was dreaming or not, or even if he was already dead.He pressed his elbow into the dirt and struggled to sit up.Almost immediately, soft hands pressed gently on his shoulder, pushing him back down.

 

“Relax Sasuke, don’t try to move,” she muttered.He reached up to where she touched him, gripping her wrist.She winced a little.

 

“You’re real?”It was barely a whisper — the beating of his heart was almost louder.But he had to know.He had to know if it was really her.Her nose scrunched up, the way it always did when she was confused, and she nodded.He sighed, relief flooding over him and he let his hand fall.He closed his eyes.She was real.He was alive and she was there, next to him, and at that moment, on the verge of death, he knew. He always wanted her to be next to him.


	5. Convalescent

“It’s lucky we found him when we did.”

Sakura glanced up from her clipboard.They’d dragged an unconscious Sasuke into the hospital almost three hours ago, but Shikamaru was still hanging around.He was sitting in the uncomfortable chair in the corner, keeping a close eye on Sasuke, who was asleep in the hospital bed.She had to admit, he was right.Sasuke was in pretty bad shape now, but he’d been worse when they found him.It made her nervous to think that anyone could sneak up on him; he was one of the best ninja in the world. _Nothing_ could catch him off guard. _Nothing_.But something had.Shikamaru had found bandits in the woods, alongside a couple of rogue ninja.He’d dispatched them quickly and quietly — he’d used very little chakra, even.There was no way they could have hurt Sasuke like this.

He was positioned carefully on his side, his ribs taped up and soft gauze tissue covering his puncture wounds.An IV feed wound into his arm.He’d been covered in mud and blood and almost delirious from dehydration and infection when they’d found him.Sakura bit her lip, listening to the gentle _whir_ of the machines around him, only one question on her mind. _How?_

“Hmm,” Sakura hummed.She hung up the clipboard at the end of the bed, her fingers trailing along the rough sheets at the corner.She watched the easy rise and fall of his chest, and relief washed over her.Her anger had dissipated as soon as she’d seen him, lying in the dirt, inches from a pool of his own vomit.Shikamaru had called it pathetic, which she thought was a bit tasteless.Ninjas fell prey to traps all the time and wound up in sorrier states than this.But the question kept ringing in her ears, _how?_

Shikamaru leaned forward in his chair, resting his elbows on his knees.“That was a nasty infection,” he said casually.Sakura had worked with the genius enough times to know that he never said something casually.He had some kind of theory, but for once, she beat him to it.

“The blades were coated with some kind of bacterium,” she muttered, not taking her eyes off of the sleeping figure, her fingers wrapping themselves in the sheet.She could feel his eyes on her back.“I sent it to the lab for testing, but whatever it was, it was primitive.The wounds started healing as soon they were washed properly.”

 The chair creaked as Shikamaru stood.He came up beside her, standing close.He put a hand on her shoulder.It was this gesture that caught her attention.She glanced over at him, startled.He didn’t return her gaze, instead staring down at Sasuke.He sighed.

“I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but something about this feels…wrong,” he said softly.His fingers twitched on her shoulder.She didn’t respond.“You know, I told him to stay away from you.”

That was a shock.Sakura pulled away from him, turning her whole body to face him.Shikamaru didn’t move.“Why would you do something like that?” she asked.She was hurt, offended.She was an adult and she could certainly take care of herself.He shoved his hands in his pockets.

“We all care about you, Sakura.You’re strong and smart, but you have a gentle soul.And whenever _he’s_ around,” he nodded to Sasuke’s sleeping form, “you’re not _you_ anymore.”

Finally, his eyes met hers and she was shocked to see them filled with concern.He sighed and shook his head.“Look, I can’t stop you,” he conceded.“But just be careful.None of us want to see you hurt.”

Sakura was silent as he turned to go.He raised one hand and gave her a little wave.The door clicked shut softly behind him, leaving her alone in the room.She stood frozen for a few seconds, listening to Tamara’s voice, scolding him for being late.Without really thinking, she sank down on the edge of Sasuke’s bed.The bed shook a bit, but he didn’t stir.She watched him, her heart pounding.

“Oh Sasuke,” she sighed softly.Shikamaru was right, she did have a gentle soul.She’d been so mad, so uncertain, so anxious before she’d left the village to find him, but now, as she watched him sleep, saw how peaceful he looked, her heart melted.Her resolve was sliding through her fingers like sand.Did she love him?Yes, she loved him with her entire being.And when he looked like this, his face unmarred by worry or anger, his mouth slightly open as he breathed calmly, his hair splayed around his head on the pillow, she couldn’t help but love him more.Her heart ached.She wanted to love him, she wanted to let herself love him, but she couldn’t.Shikamaru was right about that too, something felt wrong.She just wished she knew what it was.

Perhaps it was the fact that he’d changed sides so quickly, going from enemy to ally in what felt like seconds.Or maybe it was because he was gone so often, that she really didn’t know what he was like at all anymore.But the most painful thought was perhaps that she just didn’t believe that his feelings for her were true.How often had he called her annoying or worthless?How many years had he viewed her with scorn?How many nights did he lay awake thinking about how he would kill her if he ever got the chance?Sakura shuddered.He’d come back and his feelings had suddenly changed for her.She’d been so sure he hated her, but on his return, he’d shown her a side of him she didn’t even know existed.He’d been tender, affectionate, even.And she’d been in heaven.But then he left again and he never replied to her letters, and he was gone for months at a time, and he was always cold on his visits.And she’d lost hope.It hurt, oh it hurt, but she knew that that was the true reason she couldn’t love him no matter how much she wanted to.She didn’t trust him.It was a truly viscous cycle.

She didn’t realize there were tears on her cheeks until one fell on her hand.Her pride told her to wipe them away.She wasn’t a sad thirteen-year-old anymore.She was strong, stronger than her mentor even.But she let the tears fall.Even strength needed a break sometimes, and she was so tired of being strong.So tired of putting on the face that told the world _everything’s okay_.Her ribs ached and it was hard to breathe.She leaned over and curled up on the edge of the bed, careful not to touch him, careful to keep her body arched away from his legs.She sniffled a pathetic sound and squeezed her eyes shut.The words _love_ and _trust_ bounced around in her head so fast that she couldn’t keep track and she wanted to forget about it all.She wanted to go back all those years ago, she wanted her younger self to train more and be stronger and better and wiser and she wanted to stop him from ever leaving and more than anything in the world, she just wanted things to be okay.

 

———

 

When he woke up, his bed was shaking.At first, his disoriented mind thought it was an earthquake.He very quickly ruled out the possibility when he opened his eyes.She was there, on his bed, curled up next to his feet, but something was wrong.Her whole body trembled so violently, he thought she was have some kind of convulsion.She was muttering frantically, her voice scared.Over and over again she repeated the word _no_.She was having a nightmare, he realized.It hurt his heart to see her like this.

Ignoring the pain in his upper body, he struggled into a sitting position, reaching his hand out to her.He gently placed his palm on her head, allowing his fingers to entwine in her hair.“Sakura,” he murmured gently.She didn’t hear him.That was no surprise.How many nightmares had he had in life?Sometimes they felt so real and he _oh_ how it hurt to know that she had them too.He ran his fingers through the short pink strands, whispering soft reassurances.“It’s okay, you’re okay,” he repeated, over and over and over.Nothing seemed to work.He wondered briefly if he should call for a nurse, but thought better of it.Sometimes, waking up to a stranger made the terror worse, more tangible.He continued stroking her hair.She was becoming more frantic, her body trembling like a leaf, her breathing rough and hitched.He couldn’t take it, his heart couldn’t take it.He grabbed her shoulder and gave her a rough shake.

“Sakura,” he said gruffly.“Sakura, wake up!”

He gave her another shake, and this time, it worked.Her eyes snapped open and she shot into a sitting position, a few strands of hair ripping out of her head as she went.Her expression was wild, scared, her chest heaving.He knew better than to touch her then.

“Sakura,” he said softly.“Hey, you’re alright.Look at me.”It was a gentle command.She turned her head slowly, her eyes locking on his and he found that it was the most inopportune time for butterflies to rise in his stomach.Tears spilled over onto her cheeks and suddenly she was collapsing onto him, knocking him backward and burying her face in his chest.He gasped as his back hit the mattress, sharp pains shooting through him, but he didn’t move.He lay frozen as she sobbed into him, mind racing.What was happening?What was he supposed to do?He did the only thing he could.He returned his hand to her hair and continued to hush her.

“They were all dead,” she whispered into him between sobs.“Shikamaru, Ino, Kiba, Naruto, even Kakashi-sensei!”

“It was just a dream,” he muttered.He knew the exact dream she’d been having.He’d had it a hundred-thousand times after the massacre.It never became easier, no matter how often his brain conjured up those images.

“There was s-so m-much blood!” she wailed and her fingernails dug into his arm.He winced, but didn’t pull away.She needed him, he couldn’t abandon her, not now, not again. 

“They’re all alive, Sakura.You had a nightmare,” he repeated.Still, she didn’t calm.He sighed, and gently raised himself into a sitting position, forcing her to do the same.She wrapped her arms around herself, shaking violently.He grabbed her shoulder and spun her to face him.He took her chin in his hand.Her eyes were red-rimmed, cheeks blotchy and damp.“Listen to me,” Sasuke ordered and she hiccuped in reply.“It was a dream.Do you understand?None of that happened, you’re safe and everyone’s alive.”

She nodded, gasping a little.He let go of her face, allowing her to breathe.She took deep gulps of air, trying with all her might to steady herself.He watched her carefully.Slowly, the trembling stopped, and she was able to wipe her face on her shirt.She didn’t look at him again, keeping her eyes trained on the floor.Dim rays of sunlight were creeping into the room now, illuminating long rectangles of the linoleum.The birds were waking — a dove cooed outside the window.They sat in silence for a long time, Sakura breathing deeply as she came back to the waking world.

“You okay?” Sasuke asked, lowering himself on his pillow, careful not to put pressure on his injuries.Sakura nodded.Then she shook her head.

 “I’m sorry,” she whispered.Her voice sounded so tiny in the sterile room.Sasuke frowned. _She_ was sorry?That wasn’t right.That was so wrong on so many levels.He caught her hand in his, and she didn’t pull away.Her eyelids fluttered closed.

“You have _nothing_ to be sorry about,” he said, more aggressively than he’d intended.But it was the truth.It wasn’t just about a nightmare, but about her whole self.She’d _never_ given up on him, even now.She’d saved him again.He would never be able to pay her back.He gave her hand a soft squeeze and she sighed.He expected her to get up, to leave, but instead she leaned over again, letting her body nestle against his.It caught him by surprise and he almost pulled back.But she turned to face him, her eyes still closed, and draped her arm over his waist.“Just for now,” she whispered.Sasuke didn’t know how to respond to that, but he let his own arm wrap itself around her shoulders, his chin resting on the top of her head.He closed his eyes.He wondered if she could hear how fast his heart was beating, or how his skin tingled at her touch.

  _Just for now_.He could do ‘just for now’, if this was what that meant.


	6. Before I Leave

She’d avoided him for the rest of the week.Sasuke noticed it right away, the moment he woke up and she was gone.He noticed that she was no longer in charge of his care.An unfamiliar nurse with a bad attitude tended to his injuries until he was discharged.He hadn’t even _seen_ her, let alone talked to her for the remainder of his time in the hospital.It made him irritable.She’d accepted his comfort for one night and now he was once again off limits.He’d asked for her every day, but no one answered him.They all claimed she had been reassigned to the maternity ward.But Sasuke wasn’t stupid.There was no way in hell that that old witch Tsunade would remove her best surgeon from her post.The only conclusion he could make then was that she was avoiding him.

Kakashi had visited, deathly serious.He’d asked who could have gotten the jump on Sasuke Uchiha and if he should be worried about the safety of the village.It had been mortifying to explain that he’d been busy thinking about a certain pink-haired doctor back at home and not at all paying attention to his surroundings.It had been even worse when Kakahsi had brought up the fact that he had the Rinnegan.It should’ve been easy to spot the bandits from a mile away.Kakashi had left Sasuke in a state of humiliation after that.

Naruto had stopped by too, with a vase of flowers he said were from Hinata.He’d chatted nonstop about the upcoming wedding and his training to become Hokage, but eventually he had to leave.Sasuke had secretly been relieved.He owed Naruto so much, and if truth be told, he really did like the man, but he’d really just wanted to be alone with his thoughts.And alone he’d remained.For three more days, not a single person stopped by his room except for the cranky old nurse.And that hurt.Really, really hurt.

Which explained the current sorry state that he was in.He rarely drank whiskey; it was hard to come by in the stores and expensive when it was there.But when he did, it was for good reason.He’d finished off his stash of beer almost an hour ago, and even dug into the sake he kept for special occasions, but none of it dulled the pain that he felt in his chest.That was when it was time to crack open the bottle of whiskey.The burn in his throat was enough to distract him from the ache under his ribs.His thoughts were an angry, venomous mess in his head, and between them and the whiskey, he barely felt the way his lungs seemed to contract whenever he thought about her.

Not a damn person had visited him.There wasn’t a singe person in the whole _fucking_ village that cared about him.He threw back another shot, glaring at the wall in front of him.He’d saved all their sorry asses from the meteor shower, but it still wasn’t enough.His hand wrapped around the shot glass and without realizing what he was doing, he threw it at the wall.It shattered, the shards lodging themselves in the whitewashed wood.He sighed, letting his head fall back onto the couch and pinching the bridge of his nose.“Fuck,” he muttered.He grabbed the bottle off the coffee table and took a pull straight from that.He’d hit a new low tonight — drinking right out of the fancy, overpriced bottle, dressed in his pajamas, alone in his dusty apartment.He was the definition of classy.

There was a soft knock on the door, so quiet that he wasn’t sure he even heard it.Whoever it was would be smart to leave him be.He wasn’t in control of his emotions at the moment.

It was silent in his apartment for a few minutes.He continued to pull alcohol straight from the bottle, his eyes glued to the open window, scowling darkly at the Hokage tower.He didn’t know why, but a white hot hatred was coursing through him, so familiar.He hated this village and everyone in it.He wished he’d burned it to the ground when he had the chance.

The second knock was louder, more forceful, and he knew that whoever his visitor was, they weren’t about to go away.He slammed the bottle down on the table with an irritated sigh and staggered to the door, struggling against his heavy limbs.He pulled it open forcefully, his brows knitted in an angry glare.He didn’t know who he expected on the other side of the door, but he nearly took a step back in shock.Hinata Hyuuga was not the person he’d ever thought to find outside his door at one in the morning.He stared at her, his eyes wide, his mouth open.Her long hair was pulled back into a loose bun at the base of her neck and she was wearing her usual oversized jacket.In her hands, she held a small box.She eyed him carefully, practically trembling from head to foot.It took Sasuke a moment to compose himself, but he shook his head and took a deep breath.

“Hinata?” he asked, hoping against hope that his speech wasn’t slurred.  As it was, he felt a little wobbly, like he was on a boat at sea.  She looked up at him, her pale eyes wide and uncertain.  Of course she’d be afraid of him too.  She’d always been timid and fearful, and after the horror stories she’d probably heard about him, he couldn’t blame her.  She held the box out in front of her.

“T-this is from N-Naruto.He’s busy working t-tonight, so h-he asked me to d-drop this off,” she stuttered.Sasuke rubbed his forehead.He wished she wouldn’t fear him.The nervous stammer was giving him a headache.He stood back and beckoned her inside.She stared at him, then into the living room.Her eyes fell on the excessive number of empty bottles resting on the coffee table, so many that a few threatened to fall off.She shook her head, offering him the box again.“I shouldn’t,” she muttered.

“Hinata, it’s one in the morning,” Sasuke sighed, exasperated.“I don’t know why you’re here when you should be at home, in bed, but the least I can do is invite you in for a moment.”She didn’t seem to have an argument for that.She nodded and stepped over the threshold, hovering nervously just inside the doorway.Sasuke shut the door and, with the help of the wall, managed to shuffle back to the couch.He leaned up against the arm.Hinata offered up the box again, stepping towards him.He took it in his hand.“I’d offer you some tea, but I’ll be honest, I’m in no state to make it,” he sighed.She tilted her head slightly, and a small smile crossed her face.

“I can make some,” she said.  He studied her for a moment, unsurprised.  Of course she would.  She was the most domestic person he knew.  He shrugged.

“The teapot is in the top shelf in the corner,” he said.“Everything should be there.”She nodded and padded into the kitchen.Sasuke slipped around the arm of the couch and collapsed onto the cushions.The world may be wobbly and his head may be a bit foggy, but he was grateful that he could at least speak normally.He was also glad he hadn’t slammed the door on her face.He leaned his head back and listened to the soft clinking sounds coming from his kitchen.It was odd that she of all people was there.Something was up, and he wanted to know what.He didn’t doubt that Naruto was busy with Kakashi, but at one in the morning?No, he knew his old teacher too well.The Sixth would be asleep by ten unless his nose was buried in a book.He wouldn’t allow _Naruto_ , of all people, to keep him up until all hours of the morning.It just didn’t add up.

Ten minutes passed before Hinata wandered back into the room, a mug in each hand.She set one gently on the coffee table, easing the bottle of whiskey out of the way, and held her own with two hands as she sat primly on his one lone chair.Warmth shot through him in that moment.He had assumed she’d make tea for herself, but not for him.He was grateful.He set the box aside and leaned forward, ignoring how his room seemed to rotate when he did.The mug was scalding hot, but he still took a sip, nearly burning his tongue in the process.He didn’t say anything.He watched Hinata carefully, thinking.

“What’s in the box?” he asked.Her eyes flickered up to him.

“Healing supplies,” she said.“Some ointments and extra bandages.There’s even some pain medication, I think.”Sasuke nodded, taking another sip from his cup.

“You said it was from Naruto?” he said as casually as possible.Hinata glanced at the box, then her eyes landed on her feet.She nodded slowly in response.He narrowed his eyes; she was lying.

“You’re a terrible liar, Hinata,” he muttered, setting his mug back on the table.He stretched his arm out over the back of the couch.Her eyes widened and she looked back at him, her lips parted slightly, her cheeks tinged pink.“Who’s the box from, really?”Her face turned an impressive shade of red, then and her mouth made a little line across her face.He thought she looked a little like a balloon ready to pop.He sat patiently, waiting for her to formulate words.Finally, she let go of the breath she’d been holding and her eyes fell to the cup in her hands.

“I made some ointment for you and took it to Sakura.She packed the box and asked me to send it, but she didn’t want you to know it was from her,” she whispered.Sasuke raised an eyebrow.So he’d been right.Sakura had been consciously ignoring him.The white hot anger threatened to blind him for a moment and he forced himself to take a breath, willing it to go away.His muscles were tense, but he didn’t move from his position.If Hinata noticed anything, she didn’t say.

“Why?” he finally managed to choke out.His voice was strange, strained, even to his ears.He felt her eyes on him, but forbid himself from looking at her.He didn’t need to see her pity.“Why didn’t she come here herself?”

“I-I tried to m-make her come.  T-that’s why i-it’s so late.”  Her stutter was back again.  Maybe she saw the dark look in his eye, or maybe she felt the tension in his bones, wafting off him in waves.  He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.  “I-I’m sorr—,” she began, but he cut her off.

“Don’t apologize,” he ordered, a little more firmly than he’d intended.Why was everyone so set on apologizing to _him_?He was the one that should be apologizing, not them.He wanted the bottle of whiskey back in his hands.

“Tell Sakura I’m leaving in the morning,” he said shortly.“She can stop hiding.”

He hadn’t planned on staying much longer anyway, but now it was clear.  There was nothing in the world that would bring her back to him.  She couldn’t even deliver medicine to him, and that was part of her job.  The further away he was from Konoha, the better for everyone.  No one wanted him here and he didn’t want to be here.  His hand clenched on the arm of the couch.

He didn’t hear Hinata move, and the sudden pressure of her hand on his nearly made him jump.He looked up to see her standing by him, her eye fixed on their hands.He knew he should move, but he found her touch comforting, endearing.“Maybe you should just talk to her,” she said quietly.Sasuke frowned.

“She won’t talk to me,” he replied.Hinata’s lips pulled a bit at the corners as she tried to suppress a smile.

“Believe me, Sasuke.She wants to.”

Her hand left his then and she walked to the door.He watched her back as she pulled it open.“Hinata,” he called softly before she could step outside.She turned halfway back to him, her eyes shining in the yellowish light of his apartment.“Thanks for the ointment.”A genuine smile broke across her face and she nodded, shutting the door gently behind her.Sasuke picked up the whiskey bottle but stopped.He stared at it in his hand.It was only half full now.He looked at the coffee table where the myriad of empty bottles sat.His hand clenched around the whiskey in his hand as shame spread through him.Drinking alone in his apartment for the third night in a row.It was pathetic.He set the bottle down once more on the table and picked up the mug.He downed the tea inside in one gulp.It was still warm and it felt good on his throat.

Talk to Sakura, huh?He played with the now empty mug in his hand, thoughtful.Hinata said it was what she wanted.It sounded stupid to him.He hadn’t seen her in almost ten days, and on top of that, she’d had Hinata deliver a package she meant for him.How would he ever convince her to just talk to him?He threw his feet up onto the couch and lay back on one of the pillows.His eyes were feeling heavy now and his thoughts were slowing down.Before he lost himself to sleep, Shikamaru’s voice rang in his head. _Keep your distance_.He allowed himself to smile a bit.At least he was having no trouble following that advice so far.But if Sakura really did want to talk…Maybe that distance would start to close.It made the great Sasuke Uchiha’s stomach flip-flop with nerves. _So much for dignity_ , he thought as he slid into unconsciousness.

 

———

 

Hinata’s tea must have been brewed with pure magic, Sasuke had decided.It was the only explanation as to why when he’d opened his eyes that morning, the world was no longer spinning and his head was clear of any pain.He’d even eaten breakfast, the first time in three days.He’d almost forgotten what life was like without a constant hangover.

The main road was almost completely empty.It wasn’t surprising, considering it was almost noon on a workday.All the little shops had their doors open, but very few customers floated between them.No one paid him any attention, and for once, he was grateful for it.He kept his hand buried firmly in his pocket, clenched in a fist.His jaw was set tight, and he ground his teeth harder with each step closer he came to the hospital.He was taking Hinata’s advice.It was his last shot.

He’d decided that this morning.Of anyone, he wanted Sakura’s forgiveness the most.She was the hub that held his old colleagues together.If she trusted him, maybe the others would give him a chance too.But above all, he loved her.That much he was certain of now.If he couldn’t repair whatever was broken between them today, there was nothing left to do.He’d leave the village for good.He couldn’t live here if it made her miserable.He’d done enough to her already.

Usually, she brought her lunch to work with her and would eat at her desk.  Naruto always complained about it whenever they went out.  “Sakura’s such a workaholic,” he’d say.  But every once in a while, when she’d oversleep, she would dash out of her own apartment without her bag, and therefore without her lunch.  This morning had been one of those mornings.  He was lucky he’d been awake to see the blur of her pink hair as she weaved her way through the shortcut between his building and the business next door, no bag in sight.  On those days, she left the hospital around noon, papers in hand, to grab a bite to eat at a restaurant before returning to work.  He would catch her on her way out of the hospital.

The building loomed up ahead of him, the chain link spreading out on either side of his for as far as he could see it.His nerves kicked in then, and he had to give himself a small shake.He was being stupid.He approached the columns on either side of the entry and placed himself in the shade, leaning against the cement.And he waited.

The front doors opened and closed as people rushed in an out, but Sakura didn’t emerge.The sun travelled across the sky, right overhead and started down again.He stayed, leaned against the column, unmoving.He’d wait all day if he had to.But he didn’t have to.Later than usual, she popped out of the building, her nose buried in a folder, a huge stack of papers under her arm.She stepped carefully down the front steps, her eyes never leaving the page in front of her.He watched her as she marched down the sidewalk towards him, and saw it happen before she even realized it.Her toe got caught on a raised crack in the cement, and she fell forward.Sasuke leapt out, his hand grabbing her elbow, stabilizing her before she could so much as wobble.Her papers went flying in every direction, but she was frozen.Her eyes flicked up to him, her mouth slightly open.

“Come on,” he said, helping her straighten up.“Let’s talk.”


	7. New Beginnings

Sakura fidgeted uncomfortably in her stool.She twisted the glass in her hands, staring blankly into the dark liquid inside.She shouldn’t be here, she should be getting back to work and not drinking in a nearly empty bar at lunch.She glanced to her left.Sasuke was silent, but he wasn’t tense.He hadn’t ordered anything, she noted.The anxiety was building up in her; it had been since he’d caught her outside the hospital.It was near a breaking point now, and she feared she would crack any minute.She grumbled under her breath and picked up her glass.It shook in her hand.Her nerves were fraying. _Let’s talk_ could mean so many things, and the fact that he hadn’t said a word to her since then was terrifying.She let her hand fall back on the bar, the glass clinking loudly as it hit the wood.It caught Sasuke’s attention and he gave her a sidelong glance, on eyebrow raised.She surpassed a shudder when his mismatched eyes fell on her and she looked back at her drink.

“Sasuke,” she muttered.“I need to get back to the hospital.What did you want to talk about?”She couldn’t bring herself to meet his gaze and instead trailed her finger around the rim of her glass.Sasuke sighed and folded is hands on the bartop.

“I’ve been thinking about what to say and how to say it,” he began softly.Her heartbeat sped up in her chest.She didn’t know what to expect, but she felt that she’d been waiting years to hear what he was about to say.“The thing is, I don’t even know where to begin.So much has happened…”He trailed off, staring at the wall in front of them.Sakura rubbed her hands nervously on her pants.She hoped he didn’t notice that she was trembling.

“What if…what if I just asked questions?” she suggested softly.She prepared herself for his immediate rejection, squeezing her eyes shut.She knew he’d never agree to the thought.But he stayed silent for a long moment.

“Okay,” he said slowly.Sakura’s eyes flickered to him and her lips parted in surprise.She shook her head, fiddling with her glass once more.She bit her lip, thinking.There were so many things she longed to ask him, and she felt that there weren’t enough hours in the day for her to sort through them all in her head, let alone ask them.She decided to start easy, and took a deep, steadying breath.

“Why didn’t you come back?” she asked.She knew the answer he’d give; he’d given it a hundred times.Itachi was out there and Sasuke had to exact his revenge.But this time, she wanted the truth.“We begged with you, pleaded, and you never even thought to come home.Why?”

“Because…”  Sasuke paused.  He’d been about to throw his usual answer at her.  But he stopped himself.  He took a deep breath and turned to look directly at her.  “Because I wasn’t okay.  Because I was broken and if I came back, I wouldn’t have been me.  I was ashamed of who I’d become.”

The words stung, but Sakura refused to let herself dwell on it for now.There would be plenty time for her to lay in her darkened room and think later.She had a million questions for him.And she asked them, rapid fire, one right after the other.And to his credit, he answered them, hesitantly at first, but then he sighed again and kept his voice even and low as he answered her mechanically.She asked about his brother, about Orochimaru, about everything and anything she could think of.And when she ran out of questions there, she turned to Taka.She paused, her fingernails tapping her teeth as she thought about the best way to ask the question that had been burning in her since she’d met the girl with the vibrant red hair.

“And…Karin?”It was so soft, it was nearly a whisper.Sasuke tensed, his entire body rigid.The glance he shot her was cold, as if to say _you’re not allowed to ask that_.But Sakura didn’t care.There were a lot of worries on her mind, and if Sasuke was in love with another, then at least she knew now and could find some closure in their relationship.She pressed on.“Were you…involved with her?”

“No.”It was blunt and cold, but then he sighed, and a sad resignation fell over him.His shoulders slumped and he refused to look at her again.“No, I nearly killed her, remember?Why would I have feelings for her?”Sakura knew what he meant.He claimed he couldn’t have feelings for a woman he almost killed in cold blood, with no remorse.She knew that he was saying that his blow to her proved that he didn’t care about her.But anger flared up in her anyway.

“You almost killed me too,” she whispered fiercely.“You almost choked me to death.”

“I know.”It was sad, defeated, and it pulled at her heartstrings, but she stayed strong.She wouldn’t crumple until she had her answers.

“Why?”

“Because I wasn’t me, Sakura.I was corrupted and deluded.I thought that the world was black and white and that you were either on my side or on Konoha’s.Because I’d just lost my brother and learned the truth of his death and I was angry and I wanted the Leaf destroyed.”His breathing was hitched, but he remained stoic.She’d never heard him string so many words together, but it wasn’t enough.The tingling was back, threatening to choke her.

“So you wanted to kill me?” she asked, dangerously quiet.

“No.”

“But you said you wanted to destroy the village.”

Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose and spoke softly and slowly, as if trying to reign in his own temper.  “We can argue about this all day.  But there’s nothing I can say that will change the fact that I tried to kill you.  I could apologize, but what good will that do?  Sakura, please believe me when I say that I was lost, nearly out of my mind with grief and anger and if I was fully aware of my actions, I would have stopped.  I would have, I don’t want you dead.  Please.”  He sighed the last word like a prayer.  She was silent for a long moment, tossing his words back and forth in her head.  She wanted to believe him, she really did.  Why couldn’t she let herself forgive him?

She knew the answer to that, and the answer was a question in itself.

“Sasuke?” she said quietly.He glanced at her.

“Hm?”

“Do you…”  She took another breath and stared right into his eyes.  “Do you love me?”

The silence between them was deafening.  She watched the conflicting emotions cross his face, first tender, then sad, then disgusted, then hopeful.  She could tell that whatever was going on in him was messy.  So she waited while he sorted it out.  But her heart was beating loudly in her ears and she wondered if he could hear it.  He didn’t take his eyes off her, and leaned a little closer to her until they were eye level.  Her breathing stopped, her eyes widened.  When he spoke, she could feel the tears start to prick at the corners of her eyes.

“Yes.”

It was like a kick to the gut, so sudden, so sincere, she could barely handle it.She wanted to pull away, but couldn’t, and instead found herself breathing heavily, tears streaming down her cheeks.She’d wanted to hear that word her whole life, but why wasn’t she happy?He watched her carefully, his brow creased in concern.

“W-when?” she choked.  “When d-did you r-realize?”

“I always have.”  That was even worse.  Her heart felt like it was expanding, constricting her throat until it was too hard to breathe.  Heat coursed through her, white hot and angry.  It was an insult, it was humiliating.  How could he say that he’s always loved her, when he spent their childhood calling her annoying?  How could he have left her lying on that cold, hard bench when he left?  How could he have tried to kill her?  If he loved her, he would never have done those things.  She was breathing heavily, her chest rising and falling rapidly.

“How can you say that?” she demanded, her voice stronger than she thought it could be in her current state.  He blinked, surprised.  “How can you say you love me, that you’ve always loved me, when you’ve done _nothing_ but hurt me?”

The pain that flickered across his face almost made her pause.It was a look of pure disgust, of heartache.It was the look of a man who knew her anger was well-deserved.And her heart ached again, because she hated that face.The young girl with the red ribbon in her hair was threatening to overshadow the current woman who’d been beaten down and stepped on by the man she sat next to.She was scared that whatever remnant of love she still held for him would take over and she’d lose her senses like when she was thirteen.She wouldn’t, _couldn’t_ let her resolve be broken that easily.The tears were streaming freely now, but she held her chin high, defiant.She couldn’t meet his eyes.

“Sakura.”Her name was like a plea as it fell from his lips.He wanted her forgiveness, but she wasn’t sure she could give it so readily.He reached his hand toward her, to wipe the tears from her cheeks but she jerked her head back.If he touched her, she would melt in his hands and it would be all over.She needed answers, for better or worse.His hand fell to the bar top.“Theres…it…things are…were….complicated,” he struggled.His brows were knitted together and he was looking at the ceiling.She knew that look.It meant he was thinking hard.Finally, he looked back at her, but she still couldn’t return his gaze. 

“I thought if I pushed you away, made you hate me, then you wouldn’t ever get hurt.There was no future for me, my life revolved around selfish revenge.And you…you’re so full of life and love and even back then I couldn’t even bear the thought of draining that from you.I tried so hard to make you despise me, but it never worked because I wanted to protect you, to keep you safe, because of that _light_ you have.I’d never had someone care about me the way you did, at least, not since my mother died, and it killed me to think that you’d follow me willingly down that dark path I’d chosen.And after all those years, you _still cared_.”His eyes were glassy, as if he too were fighting back tears, but she couldn’t be sure.Her head was reeling at what she was hearing, and in her surprise, her eyes dropped to his, her lips parted slightly.It started to click, to make sense in her head.Everything he’d done up until that part — it made sense, at least, in a cruel, masochistic way.She didn’t want it to — she could feel her resolve break down with every single word he spoke.And she couldn’t tear her eyes away from that pleading look in his eyes.

“Sasuke, I—” she began but stopped.She had no words for him.He reached out a hand, and this time she didn’t jerk away.She let him place his palm gently on her cheek, sweeping her hair aside so he could ghost his thumb over her cheekbone, wiping tears from her skin.She couldn’t stop herself from leaning into his touch and closing her eyes.

“There are no words that I can say to make things right,” he murmured, his voice low and strained.“But, if, maybe, you could give me another chance…”

Sakura refused to open her eyes.She remember what she’d said to Kakashi.She’d vowed to herself that there would be no more chances, that she’d given enough.She bit her lip, concentrating on the softness of his touch, trying not to let her emotions get the better of her brain.

“Come with me.”

Those were the words that shattered it all.Something inside her broke open, spilling out and drowning out any rational thinking she had left.Her eyes opened slowly, and she pulled away from his palm even slower.It was a terrible idea; she’d be alone in the wilderness with him, no ANBU to watch his movements, no one to back her up if he decided to turn on her. _But he won’t_ , the tiny voice in her head whispered. _You know that_.And she did know it.She felt it in the pit of her stomach that Sasuke had meant every single word he’d said.She wanted to go, _oh_ how she wanted to go.But she thought of her work at the hospital, thought of all the friends she’d leave behind.Would she miss Naruto’s and Hinata’s wedding?And what about Temari’s baby?She thought about Sasuke, too.He’d been wandering alone for so long and now he was offering to bring her with him, to see his journey with her own eyes.He was watching every thought cross her face, and he noted the silence.He wouldn’t force her, she was certain.And for the first time in years, she felt a small shred of trust emerging from where it’d been buried in her gut.He meant it, he really, really meant everything he’d said.

“Sasuke…” she whispered.  His fingers trailed softly down her arm to her hand, leaving a trail of goosebumps on her skin.

“Just think about it, okay?I’m leaving tomorrow at dusk.”

He stood and turned to leave, giving her hand a soft squeeze.  She watched his retreating figure leave the bar, just like she’d watched him go when they were just barely thirteen.  Tomorrow at dusk?  She threw back the rest of her drink without really tasting it and stood.  She tossed a few bills on the counter.  There was no use going back to work now, she was an emotional wreck.  Her head was spinning.

She wasn’t stupid.In fact, she was one of the smartest ninja in the village, something she prided herself very deeply on.She knew this was it.He’d given her an ultimatum this afternoon.If she didn’t join him on his journey, she would never see him again.

 

———

 

“You haven’t followed my advice.”

Sasuke started at the voice.He’d thought he’d been alone in Kakashi’s office, but it was apparent he wasn’t.He didn’t quite know how he hadn’t heard the door open behind him.His thoughts must have been louder than the outside world.He frowned, turning to face Shikamaru.Shikamaru shook his head, rolling his neck a few times before he crossed the dim office to sit in one of the stiff chairs next to Sasuke.“Whatever, man.I’m not here to fight.”

“Then why are you here?” Sasuke asked.It sounded a little cold, even to his ears.Shikamaru shot him an irritated glance.

“The Hokage’s running late, as usual.So I took it upon myself to deliver these,” he said, holding up several file folders.He handed them over and Sasuke took them.

“Mission briefs?” he said, surprised.His mission was of his own volition, and Kakashi knew that.He’d never been given mission briefs before.He thumbed through them, and he caught glimpses of maps and photographs of buildings and people.Typical mission information.Except, he wasn’t on a mission for Konoha.It was agreed upon that he would find peace of mind before he took another official job.

“Before you throw those away, they’re just suggestions.There’s been word of strange activities in the area. _If_ you happen to pass through, we’d appreciate any information you could send our way,” Shikamaru explained.He crossed one ankle over his knee, leaning back casually.Sasuke narrowed his eyes.Why couldn’t they send a regular team?Why him?It was a bit suspicious.

“What strange activity?And by who?” he asked slowly.

“Scouts moving around on the border, small recon units practicing maneuvers, that sort of thing.  As for who’s ordered it, we don’t know.  That’s for you to find out for us,” Shikamaru explained.  Sasuke shook his head and shoved the files back to him.

“No, my mission is my own,” he said.  He didn’t need this distraction.  He didn’t think he could find his redemption if he returned to regular work.  He still didn’t even know what redemption looked like, but if it would make him feel less horrible, he would find it.  Even if it meant crossing the ocean and never returning to the village.  Even if it meant he’d never see Sakura again.  He refused to be distracted from his new purpose.  Shikamaru sighed and took the files back, taping them on his leg.

“You know, I’m trying to help you out here, against my better judgement,” he said.That caught Sasuke off-guard.Help him?How was handing him a bunch of dossiers helping him?Shikamaru half rolled his eyes, as if whatever he meant was the most obvious thing in the world.A pang of annoyance shot through Sasuke.The man was still just as insufferable as always.“Look, I know I told you to stay away from Sakura, but for whatever reason, she keeps coming to you.I know you asked her to come with you.”Sasuke’s eyes shot to Shikamaru’s, a frown forming on his lips.Of course he did, he had that damn ANBU unit following him all the time.“I’ve never liked you,” Shikamaru continued, “and that certainly hasn’t changed.But if she trusts you still, after everything that’s happened, then who am I to stop her?So take these with you, and maybe you can prove to her your real intentions.”He held out the files again.

Sasuke sat in stunned silence.He wasn’t sure what was going on.“Why would you help me?” he asked slowly.Shikamaru sighed again and rubbed the back of his head.

“Because Sakura trusts you.Hell, Naruto and Kakashi do too.And truthfully?Sakura acts weird, depressed almost, whenever you’re in the village.Maybe if you show her that you’re working with us, that’ll change.It was Karachi’s idea to give you these.Maybe it’ll help your case.”

It made sense, in a fractured, poorly thought-out sort of way.  He knew Kakashi meant well, and maybe even Shikamaru too.  But he couldn’t help thinking, was this more important to him than his mission?  He stared darkly at the files on Shikamaru’s knee.  Behind the curtains, the sun was starting its descent behind the horizon.  Dusk was approaching.  He needed to get down to the gates soon.  His mind was still racing.  Was Sakura’s trust more important than his redemption?  He closed his eyes, the smell of fresh-picked apples wafting over him.  Yes.  Yes it was.  He opened his eyes again and held out his hand for the dossiers.  Shikamaru handed them over easily.  Sasuke stood and nodded to the other man.

“Thanks,” he muttered and turned to go.Shikamaru said nothing as Sasuke crossed the office.He stopped at the door and turned to look back.“Hey,” he said, a sickening thought crossing his mind in a flash of horrified anger.He couldn’t stop the words that fell from his mouth.“What is she to you?”His heart pounded as he waited for the answer.The way Shikamaru talked about her…it was almost revering, wistful, as if at one point they’d…he couldn’t even finish that thought.It made his stomach turn.Shikamaru’s mouth pulled into a half smile.

“Jealous?” he asked, his voice amused.“Nothing more than one of my best friends.She means a lot to everyone in the village and we all love her in some way.Besides, I’m married.”

Sasuke wasn’t sure he was convinced, but it was good enough for now, at least.  At least the coiling of his gut had subsided.  He nodded and pulled open the door, stepping out into the hall.  Shikamaru said nothing as the door clicked shut.  Sasuke tucked his arm into his pocket and began his slow stroll through the village, his thoughts heavy again.

The sky was turning a deep gold as he left the Hokage tower and made his way back to his apartment.There wasn’t much he was taking, just one large pack.He slung it over his shoulder and clicked off the light in the room without looking back.He couldn’t help his pounding heart.Would she show up?Would she come with him?He wanted her to, so much that it hurt.A dull ache filled his ribcage.More than anything, he wanted her to come with him, so he could show her that he’d changed, that she could trust him, that she could forgive him.He wanted her.

The gates loomed ahead and his pace quickened…and then he stopped in his tracks.His heart was pounding so loud, so fast, that he couldn’t hear his thoughts, if there were any.She was there, dressed in her usual red, a pack slung over her shoulder.She was chatting with the gate guards, the breeze whipping her hair around her face.He couldn’t move.He was frozen.She was going with him.He should be happy.Instead, all he could feel was dread.It filled his stomach and spread through his limbs until he felt cold and heavy.This was it.He had one last chance.

Swallowing hard, he stepped forward, closing the distance between them in a few strides.She turned to him, slowly, staring up at him.He realized that she met his gaze, though her eyes were filled with uncertainty.They stood like that, in silence for a long moment.He could feel the eyes of the guards on them, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.The dread was lifting from his shoulders.She was here, looking him in the eye, and she was going with him.If someone were to have told him that he’d be in this situation a month ago, he would have punched them in the mouth for mocking him.Sakura shifted the pack on her shoulder.

“Shouldn’t we get going?” she asked.It wasn’t timid, wasn’t fearful.She _wanted_ to join him.He nodded and a small smile flashed across her face.She turned to the guards and waved goodbye.They watched them silently as they turned away, and passed under the large archway.Neither looked back as they walked away from the village.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all, I know there's going to be someone out there who recognizes this work and thinks that I stole it. The account that had originally it has been deleted, but I promise I am the original author. It's a long story, but over the course of my old account's life, I started using the username as a more professional online name, and decided to disconnect it from my personal life. If you have any concerns, please message me (you can also hit me up on Tumblr by the same name as either this account or the old one if you know it), and I can give you more details.
> 
> But it's back! I know I probably gave some readers a huge heart attack, but I promise I'll be slowly posting this story again as I have time to edit and reread! Thanks everyone <3


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